Miles of Laughter and Strife
by Romantic Pessimist
Summary: Snatches of Commander Penny Shepard and crew. ME2. Shenko angst ahead. You have been warned. Rated T for occasional language.
1. Reaction

**REACTION** – In retrospect, Jacob probably should have waited until there wasn't a gun in her hand

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Jacob ducked his head, waiting for the blast to clear. Shepard merely covered her eyes, moving forward the moment the tongues of flame receded. He frowned as he tucked his pistol away, her previous words haunting him.

"_You're all strangers to me."_

She didn't trust them, that much was obvious. Her stance was stiff, as though expecting combat at any moment, forefinger hovering over the trigger of her M-3 Predator. With the mechs about, that was probably smart; she seemed suspicious of him and Wilson, though, and that could distract her at a crucial moment.

"Okay, we took them out," he began, "but this is getting tense. Shepard."

She turned at the sound of her name, violet eyes (a side-effect of thresher maw venom, he remembered) scrutinizing him. "Hm?"

Jacob took a breath, fully aware that he was violating his orders. In a normal situation, he _would_ let Miranda or the Illusive Man brief the commander – but this wasn't a normal situation "If I tell you who we work for, will you trust us?"

Wilson stood up from behind a crate, his perpetual scowl deepening. "This really isn't the time, Jacob."

"We won't make it if she's expecting a shot in the back," Jacob explained.

Wilson rolled his eyes. "If you want to piss off the boss, it's your -."

Jacob returned his attention to Shepard, who waited patiently. "The Lazarus project, the program that rebuilt you – it's funded and controlled by Cerberus."

"Cerberus," she repeated dully.

His reflexes kicked in just before the barrel of the Predator leveled with his head. He rolled into the ever-so-convenient cover provided by a nearby crate as several more rounds burrowed into the wall and floor. Wilson cowered beside him, weapon forgotten.

"You sonovab****!" Shepard shouted. "Get your a** out here so I can shoot you!"

"I understand if you're upset," Jacob started, interrupted by another shot.

"_Upset? _This isn't upset, this is _way beyond upset!_" The tell-tale click of a spent clip was followed by a dull _thunk_ and another shot pinged off of the crate. "Now get out here!"

"What the h*** is your problem?" Wilson demanded, yelping when another bullet clipped the plating near his foot.

"Akuze!" Bang. "Thresher maws!" Bang. "Admiral Kahoku!" Bang. "Rachni!" Bang.

"I understand!" Jacob yelled. "But we didn't have anything to do with that! Help us get to the shuttles and I'll take you to the Illusive Man."

There was a moment of silence; Jacob peeked out of cover to see Shepard gazing off into space, a frustrated expression on her face. With a muttered curse she fired a final shot at the floor before jamming her pistol into the holster. "Fine."

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"Hey."

Jacob turned his attention from the vast expanse of stars to Shepard. She was calmer now, no longer shooting dark glares at him or Miranda. "Commander."

She rubbed her neck, suddenly a bit nervous. "Sorry for jumping the gun earlier."

"Don't worry about it," Jacob assured her. "As I said, I understand. Though I am glad the Illusive Man convinced you to join us."

Her frown was instantaneous. "I'm concerned about the missing colonists. I still don't trust Cerberus."

"Noted. Do you trust me, Commander?"

Shepard cocked her head and gazed at him for a moment. "Haven't made up my mind yet," she admitted with a shrug.

_Well, that's better than I hoped._ "At least you're not shooting at me, ma'am."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Will I ever live that down?"

Jacob smiled. "Not for a while, Commander."

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Author's Notes –

Now, who wishes that they could've reacted this way? I sure do! Please forgive the bad language, Penny Shepard swears when she's ticked off.

Mass Effect belongs to Bioware – as does a large chunk of my brain, by the looks of it.


	2. Hunt

**HUNT** – Kelly almost leaps out of her BDU at the sound of a shotgun blast

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It was 0600, and the CIC deck was practically abandoned. The crew was not expected at their posts until 0630. Of course, that had never stopped Kelly from arriving early.

Her fingers punched the holographic keys rapidly as a weekly psych report took shape on the screen. _Commander Shepard is acclimatizing to the situation slowly. Despite reassurances, she retains strong dislike for Cerberus. _

That was an understatement. Penny Shepard tried to be nice, listening patiently whenever someone wanted to talk to her. Despite her misgivings, she worked well with the crew.

But she was always tense, as though waiting for the other boot to fall; the shotgun on her hip was a silent warning to any and all future coups. If it hadn't been for Joker and Doctor Chakwas, Kelly wondered if Shepard would have stepped out of her armor at all.

A small window popped up in the corner of her screen. Another new message for the commander. Kelly logged that away in the "Things to Mention to Shepard" list: five new messages, their arrival at the Citadel, and a weapons delivery that Jacob was now tearing into with almost child-like glee.

She paused her work to sip her coffee and glance about the deck. Calm, tranquil, quiet. A lovely way to start the day.

_Crack!_

Kelly jumped, a sharp cry barreling up her throat. She quickly regained her composure as she glanced round the peaceful CIC.

"Woohoo!"

Okay, maybe not so peaceful. Kelly strode round the galaxy map and mounted the few steps leading to the bridge, the conversation growing louder. Joker was speaking, a cheerful edge to his usual wry tone. "You got it, Commander. All I'm getting is static."

"_Alright._" Shepard's voice was scratchy and disembodied. "_Where's the next one?_"

"Over your left shoulder!" a third voice shouted, Kelly recognized him as Crewman Bryant: a blonde and scruffy mechanic who kept the CIC terminals running.

"_Oh, you're very specific, Mister Bryant._"

"What's going on?" Kelly inquired.

"We're watching our commander go nuts!" Bryant replied happily, blue eyes bright with mirth.

Joker's console was covered with small windows depicting various camera angles of Shepard's cabin. The commander herself stood in the center of the room, smoking shotgun clasped in her hands. She dropped her hunter's posture to wave cheerily at the ceiling. "_Morning, Kelly._"

"G-good morning, Commander."

"By the fish tank," Joker offered.

"_I see it!_"

_Crack!_ One of the camera angles tilted, a white crack splitting the screen. "You missed!" Bryant accused as Kelly clapped a hand to her mouth.

Another crack and the small window filled with grey static. "_Did not._"

"Are you all insane?" Kelly demanded.

"Don't worry, Kelly," Bryant assured with a bright smile. "Those rounds can't pierce the hull."

Shepard walked around her bed in the small screen, sweeping the room with her shotgun. "_Anything I should know, Kelly?_"

Kelly blinked bewilderedly as her mind pulled up her "Things to Mention to Shepard" list. "Uh, we've arrived at the Citadel, you have new messages at your terminal, and a weapons shipment just arrived."

"_Yay,_" Shepard cheered softly, crouching on the far side of the bed. "_Joker, do you have a view of the room from this angle?_"

Joker quickly checked the remaining cameras. "Nope, I don't see your shoes."

"Sneaky sneaky, Tim." A loud crunch sent a shiver down Kelly's spine. "But not sneaky enough."

Kelly frowned. "Tim?"

"It's an acronym," Joker answered. "Thank Bryant for that."

Shepard suddenly hunched over and spoke in a mocking tone. "_There are some that call me…_" she spun around quickly, shotgun barrel pointed straight at one of the cameras, "_Tim._"

Bryant doubled over with laughter as the screen fuzzed over; Kelly rolled her eyes. "Commander, why are you shooting out the cameras?"

"_I like my privacy. What was in the weapons shipment?_" Shepard asked as the shotgun clacked.

"I don't know. Operative Taylor took it to the armory."

Shepard sighed. "_Of course he did. Trigger happy lunatic._"

"Says the trigger-happy lunatic!" Bryant accused, chuckling.

With a laugh, Shepard blasted the last camera. "_Show's over, boys._" Joker and Bryant groaned theatrically. "_Joker, tell Lawson and Taylor to meet me at the airlock._"

"Aye, aye, Commander." Joker quickly typed out a brief message. "I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous."

"_Don't worry. If we're grounded again, I'll punch Udina myself. Over and out._"

The console beeped as the comm link was cut and Bryant sighed contentedly. "That was fun."

"Told you so," Joker quipped.

Kelly shook her head bemusedly as she headed back to her terminal. Their commander was clinically insane.


End file.
